Wednesday, 19 October 2016
As I woke up in the early hours of this morning I felt a sudden flow of inspiration.
So I got off my bed, reached for my laptop and headed to the sitting room to type out these words before I lose them.
Besides it's been a while I have put up an article on this blog, I have been away for so long from the readers who come to this blog to read the articles on it.
I am so sorry.
As a parent I ponder from time to time about the type of parent I am or that I am becoming.
I feel this is a necessary thing to do for we are either getting better or worse in life, so self appraisals are necessary for every one.
Parenting has more to it than we see or understand from an outward perspective.
A lovely family is easily admired, seeing parents who dote on their children and have great relationships with them is a wonderful thing but what we do not see is the sacrifice that has gone into creating the relationship between those parents and children.
I use the word sacrifice because there is a lot parents do and give up to make things work between them and their children. To succeed at anything in a significant way you will have to sacrifice and parenting is no exception.
It is a huge responsibility!
Anything we don't invest our time in, give attention to, regard or respect will eventually move away from us. Whether it's friends, our pets, our spouses, our children, even God.
Relationships can break down!
It takes wisdom to create the right kind of relationship with people, that includes our children.
I find some parents assume their children will naturally or automatically have cordial relationships with them because they are the parent but it doesn't always work that way.
The getting along of parents and children has to be cultivated and nurtured just like any other relationship.
Perhaps it's the hardwork and sacrifice good parents put into raising their children that makes them expect so much from them sometimes.This is where finding the balance comes in.
We should hope for and expect good things from our children but we might be disappointed to expect too much from them.
They are human after all.
At times, parents raise the bar so high for their children without setting a standard for themselves.
To a large degree our children are a reflection of ourselves.
Though they are different from us and have their own uniqueness, they are a reflection of the values we taught and showed them, the lifestyle they see us live, they words we communicated to them, the home we created for them, and the love we showed them.
They reflect us in many respects.
We shouldn't expect from them what we have not taught them.
A father who is disappointed his son is not a financial success should ask himself if he ever taught his son how to make money.
Which viable businesses did you expose your daughters to?
Which lessons did you share with your son about legitimate business, investing and the world we live in?
Where are our children meant to learn these things from?
Some over protective parents have even hindered their children from going forward by keeping them away from jobs, business attempts and following their ideas all because they don't want their children to get hurt.
Some despiseful parents break the confidence and self esteem of their children without knowing, only to turn around and accuse the children of not making the most of their lives or opportunities.
Truly, parenting is a balancing act.
Well done to the parents who pay school fees and have made an effort to get their children good education.
However our educational system doesn't teach young ladies or men what to expect outside the four walls of a school or classroom.
We are taught to add, subtract, multiply, divide, how to write and perhaps speak good English.
We are 'processed' through our schools and institutions of higher learning to follow a certain pattern, be a certain way, think in certain ways and work for someone or some organization for the rest of our lives.
It is the gifted few who have a natural and perhaps innate flair for entrepreneurship and business who break out of the box or convert what they have learn't into some form of enterprise.
Many young people leave school to face the dagger of reality in a tough and ruthless world without having proper mentorship from the parents who unfortunately may not know better themselves.
Some children pass through the educational system abused, scarred, bullied and trampled upon without having the kind of parents they can confide in.
A father who thinks his son is not romantic or doesn't know how to relate with his wife or the opposite sex should ask himself if he ever had any 'man talk' with his son while his son was growing up. More importantly, how was he treating his sons mother and how does that father treat women himself?
It's vice versa with mothers and daughters, fathers and daughters and mothers and sons.
Parenting is no joke!
It requires a combination of wisdom, understanding, knowledge, foresight and in my opinion exposure.
You can't teach your child what you are not exposed to. You can't share what you don't know, and you can't give what you don't have.
Very importantly we owe it to our children to be whole.
If it is not well with us it rubs off on our children in some form or the other.
We should fix ourselves, even if it is for the sake of our children, the generation after us.
If we are not whole, maybe we shouldn't expect it from our children?
Fortunately our wellness and wholeness is part of what God takes care of. Thank you Jesus!